Does Your Chinese Girlfriend Really Love You?

Because many men have a fear that if they marry a Chinese woman she may be just doing so to improve her financial status and because it's often a question guys email me about, I'm writing this article. Not everyone has visited or lived in mainland China, not to mention having dated a cross-section of Chinese woman, so there is certainly some kinds of information you should be aware of, no matter in the beginning stages, or even at the marriage stage.

Even though I had been involved in the Chinese community in my own country for many years, and also dated Chinese girls in my own country, it didn't prepare me at all for mainland Chinese women!

Let me just say this to start off, as this is definitely something you should pay attention to: Chinese females don't express their feelings or thoughts in the same way as western women do, and this can really confuse quite a few western guys; testimony to this fact is my email box! Even some clues and signs you may think show her feelings may simply be her culturally conditioned behavior fooling you. Essentially, Chinese women are taught from a young age to act in a certain way so they can secure a husband, their mothers deliberately raise them this way. When they reach adulthood they don't actually know they are doing this, this is especially so of mainland Chinese women.

So how can we find out of a Chinese woman really loves us, as it is a fact that in Chinese culture love is not a prerequisite for marriage, were it not the case we wouldn't really need to ask this question. Yet I can say there are huge amounts of Chinese females that are totally genuine, honest and loving, not to mention beautiful. In China Chinese people often consider love as an action, for example if a Chinese woman cooks for you or raises you children or even take care of you when you are ill they would say in all honesty they 'love' you. Few women in Chinese culture would consider this a form of deceit, as in Chinese culture it's not!

In any case, so that we can make sure your Chinese girlfriend or fiance really has some deep feelings for you, lets take a look at a few clues:

If a Chinese woman starts showing concern for your health then it can be an indicator that her feelings are deeper than just friendship. In the culture, a Chinese woman, and especially a wife, should show some concern over her husband's health; so if it's in the beginning stages of the relationship and she is doing this with you then it's a really good indicator that she really has some feeling for you. This is also a way that many Chinese women try to give a man a hint that she likes him, so either way, it's a good sign!

Another big giveaway that your possible Chinese bride or girlfriend feelings are genuine, and that she maybe deeply in love with you is that green-eyed monster called 'jealousy'. Most western women repress or control this emotion, but this is almost totally not the case with Chinese women; I can assure you that this is one emotion Chinese women are more than happy to express when they feel it!

The repression of jealousy is actually mostly related to the native English-speaking countries and has its roots in British culture, it's definitely not part of the Chinese national character in any shape or form! So if you see jealousy in her eyes when you're giving attention to another girl then you know she has more than likely fallen for you!

He Hasn't Said I Love You Yet? What This Really Means for Your Relationship

There's a very special moment in every romantic relationship that a woman holds her breath for. It's when your man tells you he loves you. Ideally, he'll say it first and it will happen in a wonderful, memorable place. You'll remember everything about the second those fateful words left his lips. The shirt he was wearing, how his hair was styled and what his cologne smelled like will all become important nuances of the moment when you both knew that you were going to be life partners. It all sounds so dreamy and ideal, doesn't it? From experience, most of us know that it typically doesn't go that way. He'll usually blurt out the words at the most inopportune time like when we're stopped at a red light or during a football game. Regardless of the circumstances of the delivery, the words are still meaningful and relationship changing. Sadly, not all men reach a point where they feel comfortable sharing those words. If it's now been months or even years and he hasn't said I love you yet, what exactly does that mean for you and your future with him?

Never Forget How Different You and Your Man Are

I've often heard women say that they wish men were more like them. In some ways, that would be wonderful, but essentially we love men because they are men. Your man doesn't process his feelings the same way you do. If he falls in love with you at first sight, chances are very good that he's not going to share that news with you until months into the relationship. The same is true of the man who falls in love with his woman at a slow pace. He's not going to give you updates about what he's feeling. Men just aren't wired that way.

Sharing deep and meaningful feelings to a man makes him feel emotionally vulnerable. It's very much like he's taking the armor off his heart and he's putting himself in the line of fire. If you don't react favorably to his declaration of adoration or if you say something hurtful, it will pain him in a way that nothing else could. A man needs to feel very secure in his relationship before he'll be ready to blurt out that he loves you.

Pay Close Attention to His Actions Rather Than His Words

So much can be gained from really paying close attention to how your man acts when he's around you. There are certain behavior patterns that sync with a man who is truly and madly in love. You may believe that he's not in love unless he says the words, but don't discount how he treats you. For a man who is struggling with opening himself up to the point where he does indeed feel very vulnerable, his actions can give you great insight into what is in his heart.

A telling example is the man who rushes through his day so that he can spend as much time as possible with the woman he adores. Nothing matters quite as much to him as seeing her smiling face at the end of his workday. The same is true of the man who sends a few text messages or emails during the day. His mind is clearly on the woman he cares for. Any small gestures like this should be viewed for what they are and that's a strong sign that his heart is focused on the woman in his life.

See His Commitment to You as a Sign of What's in His Heart

If a man has stopped dating other women and his focus is always just on you, he's smitten. Men are notorious for wanting to play the field. Once a man stops looking, thinking about and seeing other women you should take note of that. He may not have said that he loves you outright but the fact that he's lost interest in other attractive women speaks volumes about how he views you.

This is especially clear if he's suggested that you don't see other guys or that you two just date exclusively. If he does mention this, it obviously means that he wants you to himself and that generally has a lot more to do with a man's heart than his ego.

A man in love wants to draw a tight circle around the woman who is the center of his world. He doesn't want the threat of any other men on the horizon and he doesn't have eyes for any other women either. His focus is clear and he'll ask you to focus on him too.

Be Wary of a Man Who Doesn't Seem Connected Emotionally to You

As much as you want to hope that he does love you, even if he has yet to say it, you do need to be mindful of the fact that his reluctance to express it is based on the fact that he just doesn't feel it. If you've told your boyfriend that you love him and you're met with dead silence, or he changes the subject very quickly, it's easy to jump to the assumption that he isn't in love and just is very uncomfortable talking about the subject at all.

Some men will work hard at avoiding any discussion about feelings. They'll say things like, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet, " or "love is overrated." If your guy has expressed similar sentiments to you, you have every right to be discouraged by that. He's telling you, in a very roundabout and non-compassionate way that he's just not feeling the same things you are.

It's up to you to determine whether or not you want to continue to invest yourself in a relationship like this. Granted, over time his position may change and he may decide that he does indeed love you. Perhaps a bit of time apart, as in a short-term relationship "break" might help him see the light. There's a chance it won't though.

Just remember that all men are different and even though some are quick to say those three meaningful words, other men just can't fathom saying, "I love you," to any woman unless they're on the verge of proposing to her. It's up to you to decipher your man's actions and read between the limes to truly see what's in his heart.