He Hasn't Said I Love You Yet? What This Really Means for Your Relationship

There's a very special moment in every romantic relationship that a woman holds her breath for. It's when your man tells you he loves you. Ideally, he'll say it first and it will happen in a wonderful, memorable place. You'll remember everything about the second those fateful words left his lips. The shirt he was wearing, how his hair was styled and what his cologne smelled like will all become important nuances of the moment when you both knew that you were going to be life partners. It all sounds so dreamy and ideal, doesn't it? From experience, most of us know that it typically doesn't go that way. He'll usually blurt out the words at the most inopportune time like when we're stopped at a red light or during a football game. Regardless of the circumstances of the delivery, the words are still meaningful and relationship changing. Sadly, not all men reach a point where they feel comfortable sharing those words. If it's now been months or even years and he hasn't said I love you yet, what exactly does that mean for you and your future with him?

Never Forget How Different You and Your Man Are

I've often heard women say that they wish men were more like them. In some ways, that would be wonderful, but essentially we love men because they are men. Your man doesn't process his feelings the same way you do. If he falls in love with you at first sight, chances are very good that he's not going to share that news with you until months into the relationship. The same is true of the man who falls in love with his woman at a slow pace. He's not going to give you updates about what he's feeling. Men just aren't wired that way.

Sharing deep and meaningful feelings to a man makes him feel emotionally vulnerable. It's very much like he's taking the armor off his heart and he's putting himself in the line of fire. If you don't react favorably to his declaration of adoration or if you say something hurtful, it will pain him in a way that nothing else could. A man needs to feel very secure in his relationship before he'll be ready to blurt out that he loves you.

Pay Close Attention to His Actions Rather Than His Words

So much can be gained from really paying close attention to how your man acts when he's around you. There are certain behavior patterns that sync with a man who is truly and madly in love. You may believe that he's not in love unless he says the words, but don't discount how he treats you. For a man who is struggling with opening himself up to the point where he does indeed feel very vulnerable, his actions can give you great insight into what is in his heart.

A telling example is the man who rushes through his day so that he can spend as much time as possible with the woman he adores. Nothing matters quite as much to him as seeing her smiling face at the end of his workday. The same is true of the man who sends a few text messages or emails during the day. His mind is clearly on the woman he cares for. Any small gestures like this should be viewed for what they are and that's a strong sign that his heart is focused on the woman in his life.

See His Commitment to You as a Sign of What's in His Heart

If a man has stopped dating other women and his focus is always just on you, he's smitten. Men are notorious for wanting to play the field. Once a man stops looking, thinking about and seeing other women you should take note of that. He may not have said that he loves you outright but the fact that he's lost interest in other attractive women speaks volumes about how he views you.

This is especially clear if he's suggested that you don't see other guys or that you two just date exclusively. If he does mention this, it obviously means that he wants you to himself and that generally has a lot more to do with a man's heart than his ego.

A man in love wants to draw a tight circle around the woman who is the center of his world. He doesn't want the threat of any other men on the horizon and he doesn't have eyes for any other women either. His focus is clear and he'll ask you to focus on him too.

Be Wary of a Man Who Doesn't Seem Connected Emotionally to You

As much as you want to hope that he does love you, even if he has yet to say it, you do need to be mindful of the fact that his reluctance to express it is based on the fact that he just doesn't feel it. If you've told your boyfriend that you love him and you're met with dead silence, or he changes the subject very quickly, it's easy to jump to the assumption that he isn't in love and just is very uncomfortable talking about the subject at all.

Some men will work hard at avoiding any discussion about feelings. They'll say things like, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet, " or "love is overrated." If your guy has expressed similar sentiments to you, you have every right to be discouraged by that. He's telling you, in a very roundabout and non-compassionate way that he's just not feeling the same things you are.

It's up to you to determine whether or not you want to continue to invest yourself in a relationship like this. Granted, over time his position may change and he may decide that he does indeed love you. Perhaps a bit of time apart, as in a short-term relationship "break" might help him see the light. There's a chance it won't though.

Just remember that all men are different and even though some are quick to say those three meaningful words, other men just can't fathom saying, "I love you," to any woman unless they're on the verge of proposing to her. It's up to you to decipher your man's actions and read between the limes to truly see what's in his heart.

Relationship Book Review - The Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman

Have you ever felt like your lover speaks another language than you? Well, most likely they do! Any couple that has ever been tested by communication within their relationship must spend a weekend devouring this book.

Dr. Gary Chapman has taken a simple communications model and made it even simpler, to clearly describe the power of understanding the way in which you and your loved one think and communicate.

Often the cause of our problems as couples is not that we don't love and care about our partners, but rather that we do not know how to communicate well about the things we desire and need. A breakdown in communication, built up over a period of time, is one of the key reasons why relationships fail.

In Dr. Gary Chapman's book he describes the concept of a love tank, which he says exists within all of us. When our loved one speaks to us in our primary love language we feel loved and our tank is replenished. Alternatively, if we are not communicated with in in our most preferred way then our tank will slowly become empty, until we no longer feel loved by our significant other.

So what are the five love languages? Here's a quick reflection...

1. Words of affirmation -This love language is all about positive words and language. Hearing the words 'I love you' are essential and ongoing verbal compliments mean the world in this love language. Insults can leave this category devastated, where harsh words will be remembered for a long time.

2. Quality time -This category is about spending time together, where undivided attention is a must! This means turning off the television, ignoring all phone calls and spending quality time with your loved one. The big deal breakers for this category are distractions, postponed dates and the failure to listen.

3. Receiving gifts - Gifts are more than just material items for this category. Instead, the act of giving gifts reflects the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. For those who speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for and prized over whatever sacrifice was made to bring you the gift. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, thoughtless gifts or the lack of everyday kind gestures are detrimental to ensuring this category feels loved.

4. Acts of service - This love language is all about showing love through acts of service. Cleaning the house, cooking dinner, making lunch and carrying the groceries in will speak in volumes for those with this primary love language. The key words 'let me do that for you' are gold! Broken commitments, laziness and making more work for this category are the major deal breakers.

5. Physical touch - This category is for the lovers of hugs, holding hands and pats on the back. Touch is essential to this category in order to feel loved and fill their love tank. It is vital to note that this category isn't about action in the bedroom, but rather the every day gestures of touch and attention. Physical presence and availability are critical, while neglect or abuse is unforgivable in this category.

Although we might identify in some form with all five of the languages, there will be one primary one that activates your deep love strategy, the one you prefer the most.

Which of the five descriptions could you not live without?

Which of the deal-breakers would hurt you the most?

Often we give love in the same way we prefer to receive it - in the same language. However, it is most likely that this is not the love language of your partner, and therefore your behavior may not produce the results you thought it would. Once you understand your primary love language and find out your partner's, then start doing the things, and speaking the language, you know will make them feel the most love.

You must be able to appreciate the communication types and love languages that exist within your relationship. If you choose to better understand this model of thinking then you will begin to notice increased communication and affection, filling your love tanks to the brim!

Dr. Gary Chapman has taken a simple concept and created a profound experience for couples through the exploration of communication.