Book Summary - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts - Written by Gary Chapman

Match.com, eHarmony.com and other dating sites spend millions of dollars selling the holy grail of relationships and marriage. The problem is that with over a 50% divorce rate they seem to get several repeat customers. This book is an absolute guide to helping and saving marriages. Gary Chapman has been doing marriage counseling for over 30 years and this New York Times bestselling book is his road map to happy and healthy relationships.

Why is this important to me?

This begs additional questions:

1.) Are you happy in your relationship? Do you feel that you and your spouse speak AT each other instead of to each other? The biggest problem with relationships is communication. In the book summary, we will profile the 5 Love languages of how people Express and Receive love.

2.) Emotional Love Language - Even though you and your spouse speak the same language when you talk, your emotional love language can be as different as English from Chinese.

3.) Love Tank - Mr. Chapman talks about the concept of a love tank. When the Love tank is empty, is when the relationship is on the rocks and you feel you are simply roommates wasting time. This is the empty feeling people feel in a loveless relationship. When the tank is full, you will have a fulfilling relationship for both you AND your spouse.

Warning: Understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.

We will take each Love Language and define it as well as give a quick example of it. One critical component is the understanding of your love language. In the book Gary gives a questionnaire to help you understand your love language.

1. Words of Affirmation- Mark Twain said - "I can live for 2 months on a good compliment." People that have this love language are very susceptible to WORDS. Thus when you compliment them they hear it and see it as a sign of love. Likewise the opposite is true. Demanding words and negative criticism really hurts people with this primary love language. I can tell you from personal experience that this has real power. My much better half has Words of Affirmation as her love language and the power of words affects her greatly. Just knowing this really enhances our relationship 10X. This stuff works!!! Remember: The tongue has the power of Life and Death. Choose your words carefully.

2. Quality Time- This simply means giving the person your undivided attention. When you see dating couples in a restaurant, they are engaged with each other and look at each other. When you see married couples in the restaurant they sit there and gaze around like they just want to eat and get out. Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other's eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person. Words of affirmation focus on WHAT we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are HEARING. One thing to do to improve this love language is to take a walk with your spouse. Leave the cell phones at home.

3. Receiving Gifts - People with this love language typically are visual in nature. Without gifts as visual symbols, they may question your love. Everybody knows that some people put huge amounts of energy into the wedding ring. Most of these people are not greedy by nature but simply express love through gifts. One thing to do to fill this love tank is to give gifts. This does not mean that you have to spend all of your money. Sometimes handmade gifts are the best.

4. Acts of Service - By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. Requests give direction to love but demands stop the flow of love. One thing you can do to for this love language is to ask your spouse to make a list of ten things he or she would like for you to do during the next month.

5. Physical Touch - I have a personal affinity to this love language because it is mine. Physical touch is a powerful connector. It can make or break a relationship. To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, the message will be far louder than words "I hate you" or "I love you." A slap in the face is detrimental to any child, but it is devastating to a child whose primary love language is touch. One simple thing to do for this love language is to simply hold hands.

When trying to understand your love language, please understand that people tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.

Remember that with all the love languages when you do the correct ones you fill the love tank but when you do NOT do them you empty the love tank. This seems obvious but I wanted to point it out because it is important. Likewise this logic works with any relationship not just intimate ones. If you understand the language of your co-workers then it will be easy to identify with them and the bond will be stronger. Any time you can enhance a relationship regardless of type, is a good thing and makes life easier.

I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit.

Habits form in as little as 21 days. I highly recommend you read this book and put the principles in place. One thing you can do right now is work on figuring out your love language.

A good friend of mine was kind enough to endorse this book. He told me specifically that his marriage was headed for divorce court. With four kids he was heading in the wrong direction. He told me this book saved his marriage. Remember - Do the thing and you shall have the power!!!!